Sunday, January 29, 2017

Eczema Part ll - Photo Journal


Can any picture can fully describe the suffering of eczema? How can you capture the feelings of a child who wants to play but can only sit and scratch? Who wants to sleep but is tortured with pain and itchiness? How about their parents who are exhausted from weeks or months tending to eczema all through the night? How about the struggle of whole families affected by the financial strain of auto-immune disorders? Could a snapshot depict my hurt and anger towards a callous medical system responsible for the damages but none of the cost? No.


But, for any person desperate for help, I feel for you. I hope my photos do capture where we were, and how we've healed. Homeopathy held our cure. Both for Izaiah's body and for my orthodoxy regarding mainstream medicine.




If you read Part I of the story you know that we had originally followed the protocol of conventional pediatric dermatology. This only did more harm and furthered Izaiah's regression into autism.

We then used a biomedical approach which delivered a huge degree of healing. Identifying and removing allergens from environment and diet while naturally supporting body systems has been crucial to our program.

But once we started healing with homeopathy, the unseen and underlying eczema resurfaced! We thought it was mostly gone, but here it was and it flared violently for eight months. That is, it took eight months to get the worst of it out. 

This was a very difficult time and required me to trust our homeopath, Sally Lloyd at Sally Lloyd Homeopathy.  She helped me untwist 'my name it and prescribe it' faith toward doctoring and medicine that I was soldiered with.  She taught me that I had to let this flare without suppressing it. "We could soothe it, but not suppress it."


        Backs of Legs                     Close up of right leg back. 

For eight very long months, toxins came out of Izaiah's body - his neck, stomach, arms,hands, feet, and the fronts and backs of his legs. My knowledge of biomed helped to support the homeopathic detox and bring comfort to Izaiah as his body released the poisons.









The toxins were a direct result of the 'vitamin' K shot from birth causing both encephalitis and a violent auto-immune response that triggered eczema and ear infection within 3 weeks of Izaiah's infant life.


Izaiah relentlessly scratching. Look at fingernails. Ugh!
Then came the over-prescribed antibiotics for the resulting multiple ear infections that lead to leaky gut, severe food allergies, and a decline into autism; carelessly prescribed topical steroid, haphazard use of anesthesia for surgeries, and mindless use of over the counter suppressive drugs such as ibuprofen, tylenol, benedryl, etc. All of it would cycle together as a machine to take Izaiah down the vortex of severe regressive autism.

May I interject here that antibiotics are usually not necessary for ear infection. Most of them are viral and not bacterial. They typically go away on their own. Using homeopathic remedies can cure them within minutes to hours. Using an otoscope I have literally watched ear infection come on and be healed within an hour using a homeopathic remedy. The constant prescribing of antibiotics for this is grossly derelict. In my experience, treating homeopathically not only healed ear infection quickly, but permanently in that they do not return.

Our son is a poster child for all that is wrong with Western Medicine and sadly scores of children are injured in this way. All of Izaiah's issues are diagnosed by his doctor who is an MD, PhD with over 33 years of experience in healing children damaged chronically by medicine. He is an incredible doctor and I am truly impressed by how his method of doctoring often aligns with our homeopath. I feel like we have the best team for Izaiah, ever.  Take a look!
Izaiah's healed skin today. All natural, no drugs, no creams. 


There are four things I want to point out with Izaiah's healing.

1.) We are not in remission. That would imply that eczema is a disease and that it is lurking around somewhere waiting to attack at any given moment. It's not. That is western medicine's vocabulary.

2.)  Eczema is simply toxic junk coming out of the body. Where do the toxins come from? Vaccines, processed foods, GMO foods, ibuprofen, benedryl, steroids, antibiotics, anesthesia, prescription drugs, air, water, allergens, pesticides, herbicides, glyphosate, cleaning chemicals, etc.

3.) When the body chooses the skin as its primary exit route for toxins there may be underlying liver and gut problems to address. The body is not methylating properly which means these toxins stay in the body and sit on the brain instead of being passed out with urine and feces.

4.) About 50% of our population has a gene deletion causing them to not methylate properly.  It is estimated that up to 90% of the autism population could have the mutation called MTHFR -gene deletion. It can be hereditary but can also mutate independently. Some believe that vaccines or the 'vitamin'K shot can shock the natural auto-immune system thereby forever mutating the DNA. There is a simple blood test for MTHFR. Testing for this gene deletion before vaccinating would help parents know if their child has a high probability of being vaccine injured. It makes no sense that pediatricians wouldn't demand this test to protect patients and their parents.          

I hope our story might steer another mom to see eczema in a more natural light than I did. It never occurred to me that there were toxins inside of Izaiah's body that needed to come out and these were the same toxins causing his severe regression into autism. Instead of just letting 'eczema' flare when Izaiah was 3 weeks old, my brainwashed eye only saw a rash that needed medication. I was a very good toy soldier.

We learned our lesson with conventional Western medicine. It's great for acute problems but even better at causing chronic disease from constant doled out drugs. Homeopathy is how we finally ended the battle with Izaiah's eczema both in his body and in my mind. We  may encounter it again as we continue to detox poisons out, but now I have an easy perception of the process. And, as we remove the toxins, the symptoms of autism are also fading.



Monday, January 23, 2017

Eczema - Part l

First I want to say, our son is cured of eczema. I have kept a photo journal and will share in Part II of this post. I'm not talking about 'dry skin'. I am talking about bloody itchy rashes that are debilitating and infringe on every aspect of life and sleep.

For seven years eczema has plagued our son. The minute the 'disease' seemed cured, an empty steroid tube signaled the disease was never far away.

We'd done everything. The docs, the derms, the allergies, the supplements, the diets, the oils, the creams, the salves, the ointments. We've done it all. NONE of it cured.

Removing immediate and delayed allergens from the environment and diet improved the situation the best, but we were still applying topical steroid. The smallest irritated area was hurriedly dabbed with steroid in fear of bigger rashes.

Now that my mind is unraveled from western medicine's twisting, I know how blatantly counterproductive that truly was. I was so naive about eczema.

In May of last year and out of nowhere, Izaiah was hit with full on, raging, angry, bloody eczema that was previously mild. We spent all of late summer and fall collapsing into the abyss of regression, not only with eczema but seizures and head banging too.

By October a truly brilliant homeopath, Sally Lloyd, entered our lives and would change everything. When I hopelessly dumped a bunch of puzzle pieces in her lap she instinctively knew how to piece them back together. I now believe the picture we're all trying to put back together isn't two dimensional but rather three or four. Sally is directing the re-construction of Izaiah's enigma using the tools we both have at hand. Her heart, her devotion, her knowledge, her respect for mothers, her calm-guidance, even the hand-holding she has had to do for me, surpasses anything we have done to date.

She is slowly, gently, but deeply healing him. She respected his key need for mitochondrial, adrenal, kidney, liver, inflammation, methylation, and GI supports while healing homeopathically. I've gained this knowledge through biomed and not all homeopaths understand it's role, but Sally did.

Izaiah's eczema is now gone. No drugs, no creams. I used natural helps that soothed but didn't suppress and Sally's remedies helped Izaiah's body do the hard work to get rid of eczema on it's own. 

Yes, you read that correctly, on it's own. 

Just as toxins are excreted by using the toilet, the body also can send toxins out of our skin. It's simply another path the body can choose. Our skin is a direct path into the body. Likewise, it can be a direct path out of the body.

It makes sense that Izaiah's body would choose the skin as an exit route for toxins. The auto-immune damage and encephalitis came from the vitamin K shot at birth. With the wheels of an already weak immune system in motion, overuse of antibiotics quickly did the rest of the damage to bowels and gut and ultimately affected the brain. With damaged gut, bowels, and immunity, the skin was the path of choice.

The eczema was simply the toxins coming out, not some rashy disease.

But armed only with half-baked Western medicine orthodoxy at that time, the drug next in line was topical steroid. I didn't know any better.

Yes, on the surface it strikes us that the steroid is healing because the skin improves, the itch goes away, and the appearance of our child is now satisfactory to every opinionated eye who might look upon us. Until that tube of steroid runs out.

Insidiously, the steroid is not healing, rather it is suppressing. It is covertly pressing that eczema back down into the skin. The toxins trying to escape are getting jammed back into the derma. The toxins go deep overloading tissues, muscles, organs, and as we continue to suppress, what was once eczema now turns into other things: allergies, food allergies, asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, focus problems, adhd, irrational fears, autism, cancer.  

Suppression, not healing.

Benedryl and ibuprofen are two common medicines that also suppress alongside most pharmaceutical drugs. This is very dangerous to suppress every illness and fever. We are trading in simple and harmless ailments for chronic and fatal disease.

Eczema is actually the good guy. Let it flare. The harder it flares, the better the immune system

We would do well to stop eyeing every mother whose child has eczema and instead start scrutinizing the systems and policies that are putting the toxins in her children in the first place.


Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Sanctuary

Our daughter takes an art class at a local church which is a sprawling and captivating mix of tradition and innovation. Every Monday we penetrate the sights and sounds of fellowship in the welcoming lobby before class. It is warm and neighborly. I want to soak it all up and prattle with my friends who are homeschoolers like us.

But autism shows up, habitually changing the normal into chaos for millions.

Lights become nagging and cause dull pain, friendly commotion becomes echo chambers, the hubbub of bodies is claustrophobic,  and decorations are a dizzy swirl. All are distressing at best and painful at worst for our daughter. It is unbearable for Izaiah.

Having spent most of the year regressing, it became impossible for Izaiah to enter this house of God. 

I had failed at my feat of entering the building with Ashi while not entering the building with Izaiah so I employed Daddy to help. As if he is not already employed somewhere else, namely his J.O.B., but such is life with autism.

Once the pandemonium abandons the foyer in favor of assigned classrooms, the great lobby becomes sedated and lifeless. Daddy can then bring Izaiah inside the now hushed space to re-organize his senses. Izaiah meanders about, exploring the cavernous expanse with my husband in tow for safety and camaraderie.

Their adventures were secrets until Izaiah shared one with me this Christmas Season.

On this particular Monday, Izaiah had been able to manage the lobby din, go upstairs to a room just outside of Ashi's art class, and play contentedly with Daddy until class was over.  Progress!

Class then finished so everyone departed, descended stairs, and breathed life back into the sleepy lobby. Izaiah was still doing well so we had an odd chance to visit with some friends. Progress!

He became insistent on taking me somewhere and pulled my hand until I reluctantly went with him. I kept asking, "this? Is this what you want to show me? Here? Is this where you want to go?" I spotted a sofa he might want to posture on or perhaps he fancied a young girl's hair to stroke. But my guesses were all wrong.

He tugged me along looking back at me. His sweet face had a different countenance. He was aware, he was determined, and he knew something I didn't.

We bobbed and weaved through chatting people and cut paths through mazes of furniture. It thinned and he confidently hauled me through a corridor and then through a doorway. Then he stopped. We were there.

My mouth gaped open and I stared before me. Then at him. He was already awaiting my expression, my reaction, wondering:

"Do you love it, Mommy? Are you surprised? Look what I discovered! Isn't it amazing, Mommy! Come! It's beautiful, like you. Sit with me, Mommy. Are you proud of me?"



Yes! It all came together. I understood. His insistence, his expressions, his motions, his heart! 

My eyes welled with tears that would not be held back. Izaiah took my hand and we remained seated on a soft pew in the sanctuary. He wanted me to appreciate it the way he did. He kept checking my expression, my approval, my level of awe. 

We sat in the peace of the sanctuary. We could hear nothing outside the room. It was so still, the silence had its own sound. Even my wheeling tears quietly obeyed. It felt Holy. 

We were enveloped by massive and exquisite stained glass windows announcing the powerful story of Christ. I was overwhelmed by Mary holding her baby boy, unaware of the life they would endure before her Son would conquer our enemy.  The elegant Christmas decor swallowed us entirely and the Christmas tree on the shiny, marble altar extended straight to Heaven.

We felt God's presence. I smiled at Izaiah through weeping eyes and thanked him repeatedly for sharing his majestic sanctuary with me. Over and over I communicated how thankful I am to have such a loving and kind son who recognizes such beauty and desires to share it with me.

We hugged each other tight and held hands and we prayed together.

This moment was enough to fill the gaping holes autism has dug into me and scarred me with this year. The whole moment is a sanctuary in my heart and mind and I've been there often since, to soothe my soul.




I have been doing a study in the book of Daniel. In Chapter 9 we read Daniel's prayer and confession of sin. He uses the words 'we' and 'our' and 'us' as he confesses the sin of Israel. He includes himself. Even in verse 20 he says he was confessing 'my' sin referring to himself.


This was during the Babylonian captivity and nowhere in the book of Daniel do we learn how he sinned or what his sins were. Instead we see him as an incredible pillar of bravery. He stood firm for God as an adolescent boy straight into his very old age. Even so, in Chapter 9, he confesses his sin. I can promise you, if Daniel confessed his sin, you and I need to as well.

To stand in front of our LORD defending ourselves is to slap the face of God, so plan now to not do so, ever.

There is one who kept every commandment and that was Jesus. He was the innocent lamb, led to the slaughter for the sin of all of us. When we repent, that is turn from our ways to follow Him, we do not return to our sin and we do not justify our sin, but we begin our journey of becoming Christlike. Becoming Holy. God doesn't care if we are happy. He wants us to be Holy. The Gospel has gotten very mucked up in apostate churches today.

The best any person can say of himself is that he is Saved. To rest in this is Sanctuary.







Sunday, January 3, 2016

Propofol Fail


 I've read horror stories regarding dental sedation. I now have my own.  

If you go to a dentist who can perform dental surgery in-house, it can mean a service comes in and provides the intravenous sedation. My oldest daughter had this done three or so years ago and it was absolutely textbook and successful. She also has no severe food allergies.






Different story for Izaiah. It was traumatic for all of us and if you have a child with severe food allergies, keep reading the post. I'll be brief.

The conversation with the anesthesiologist went kind of like this:

Anesthesiologist assures me that propofol (with egg and soy) is always used with highly allergic kids.

I assured the anesthesiologist that Izaiah was allergic to egg and soy and this would not work.

She assured me that it is highly refined egg and soy proteins so it should work. 

I assured her that I have tried highly refined types of soy that he still reacts to, so I knew this would not work.

She assured me that she would do a test run first and watch for reactions and stop if she saw anything.

I assured her she would not see a reaction because it would happen days later and Izaiah would be covered in severe eczema, head to toe.

She assured me (read pressured me) that she believed none of that and that in a couple of hours Izaiah's dental work would be done and he would be fine. That was her experience with kids with severe allergies and we should give it a try.

I should've walked out.

Have you ever seen your child put under? They put Izaiah out as he lay in my arms. I thought they killed him. I turned so many shades of white a corpse would've looked sun-kissed beside me. I trembled uncontrollably and cried. They promised me this was normal, took him out of my arms, and made him comfortable in the chair. It was time for me to go and for them to get the work done.

I made my way to the restroom where the mirror reflected someone 30 years older.

I regained my composure and tried to look interested in Ashi's schoolwork. Forty-five minutes later the anesthesiologist rushed out to tell me that Izaiah had an asthma attack and they had to pull him quickly out of sedation for a breathing treatment. No dental work was done.

I won't go into my feelings but horror, shock, and "I told you so" were all front and center.

Fast forward a month and Izaiah still has eczema head to toe. It reared it's ugly head about 3 days after the procedure. It isn't severe anymore, but we haven't seen any of this since closely following the protocol of our bio-med doctor more than two years ago. Even though we know what it is, how to treat it, how to keep Izaiah comfortable; it angers me no end.

For more than 2 years Izaiah has had no egg and no soy. We have turned our lives upside down and spared no energy, effort, or monies in healing him; but just like the flip of a chart on a clipboard, one anesthesiologist can turn it into a vapor. And that's the end of that. No apologies, no recompense, no responsibility. Par for the medical and dental profession today. Not one care for how hard we worked, how hard it will be on Izaiah to recover from having his allergens injected into him. It's not their child, what do they care?

I have since found this case study regarding propofol and allergies. This is what happened to Izaiah.

Ultimately, I've located an holistic dentist an hour away from us who works with autistic children and will help me heal Izaiah's tooth naturally. 

Our bio-med doctor promptly communicated his heartfelt regrets over what happened, bless his heart. He knows how hard we've worked. He emailed instructions for detoxing Izaiah, but even still, it will take one to three months to get the infractions out.  If I could go back, I would follow my gut and WALK OUT.  Don't forget about that option.

I will update on the progress with the new, holistic, dentist at a later time.

Nothing goes perfect in this life. If we think it does, we are wrong. If we think because we love Christ and are a Christian that all things will be perfect, we are also wrong. If we think every decision we make that has no bumpy road is of God, I would question that. When things are perfect, we don't need Him. The only person who doesn't want us to need Him is Satan. So, if things are always going your way, I'd be a bit nervous, to say the least.

God didn't rescue the Israelites from slavery because they were having a good time. No, he heard their CRY unto Him.

Some days I swear I don't have the power to move even one more step or handle one more responsibility. Some days I feel like cooking one more meal, doing one more chore, getting through another day of therapy, school, and bedtime will literally burst me into a million pieces. A nap will not help. A vacation will not help. Even a major breakthrough in therapy will not help. There is only one thing that causes me to power up again and face my struggles with joy. And that is crying out to God and steeping myself deep into His Word.


Isaiah 40:29-31 says He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

What a Difference 18 Months Can Make

If you follow our story because of intrigue or to learn along with me, this is an overdue update. Izaiah's steady progress in every area means I have been uber-busy implementing and updating therapies.

To briefly recap, Izaiah's gut was mutilated with overuse of antibiotics. Instead of a healthy flora existing to overcome the occasional illness, his immune system was causing his body to attack itself on a daily basis.

With a leaky gut filled with c-diff poisoning, clostridum, and yeast overgrowth, Izaiah's organs and brain became inflamed. The inflammation on the inside was evidenced by the severe, flaming, eczema on the outside (the skin.) Also notable, was his severe, severe regression into 'autism.'

Finding the right kind of doctor who understood was like finding a needle in a haystack. We finally met ours by the grace of God, through a sweet friend.

 Within TWO WEEKS of seeing our new doctor Izaiah became free of seizures, tics, head-banging, and severe eczema. But that was only the beginning.

Fast forward 18 months and Izaiah's progress is outstanding. His eczema is now in remission! I am suspect that many severe food allergies may also subside as we continue to heal.

Miraculously, his mitochondria are now functioning the way they are supposed to. If you know anyone with mito issues then you are aware of this rare success. I'm truly speechless at what Izaiah's doctor has been able to do, all naturally. Our son now has endless energy and can play all day outside for hours on end. Swinging, sliding, climbing, jumping on the trampoline, balancing on limestone, bike rides...hard to believe this is the same kid who needed a stroller or a nap after 5 minutes of outdoor play,  just 18 months ago.


Izaiah's social behavior has immeasurably improved. He makes eye contact. He engages. He wants to
engage. He plays with the neighbors. He grabs me by the hand to take me places. He follows one-step commands. He's been attempting to smile and pose for pictures (above) and he's figuring things out, like how to ride his bike, swing, steer his plasma car, and we're working on swinging a bat.

We love being our neighborhood hot spot! The kids are so blessed to have many fun friends who come over.
Now he is responding beautifully to occupational therapy and sensory integration. His severe tactile defensiveness is slowly diminishing. I plan to post next about the specific toys and objects that have been most beneficial for us the last 6 months. Most likely you have them all at home already.


He's gaining a relational perspective, that is, becoming aware of his positioning relative to others. Such as when we are bike riding. He wants to go faster to keep up with Ashi, he wants their wheels side by side. He wants to  keep up with Ashi's swings. You can see that determination in the pic below. He has a favorite neighborhood friend to jump in the trampoline with since she is almost the same height as Izaiah. You can see in his eyes and face that he makes those connections.

Izaiah determined to keep up swinging
Most heart-warming is that he allows me to read books to him. and he even has a favorite, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. The reason he could not sit still and listen, focus, or even care about a book before was simply because he was hurting.

His excellent receptive speech is shown by his clear understanding of what is said and following instructions. He's even slowly becoming verbal. Even though his receptive speech is so good, there is still an obvious processing delay which I'm hopeful will get better with time, therapy, and practice. I think his expressive speech gap will close as we keep broadening his receptive speech and improve that processing delay. 

I was shocked when our doctor told me, at our last appointment, that Izaiah's autism is in his gut and as soon as these last issues of clostridium and yeast are handled, his autism will be gone.

I was desperate for our son to be healthy. He was slipping from us and from this world so I have strictly followed our doctor's protocol for 18 months. The maintenance is difficult, there is no wiggle room, but the alternative isn't good enough. I don't want to manage Izaiah's illness. I want to CURE him.

Lately, I have been studying the book of Acts. I don't know of a book filled with as much political savvy, adventure, and literary masterpieces as Acts. I've studied it many times, absolutely engrossed. In Chapter 26, Paul ultimately addresses King Agrippa, ironically  the great-grandson of Herod who attempted to murder Jesus as an infant and the son of King Agrippa I who murdered the apostle James.

Later in 2 Timothy 4:7,  Paul says, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 
 

Many of us are coping with the environmental effects of GMO's, overuse of vaccines and anti-biotics. It's a train wreck devised and driven by scientists and politicians blinded by greed instead of human love. Our trials, our successes, even proof of the crime falls on deaf ears. But, we have to fight the good fight and we have to finish the race while holding on to our faith. Our faith in Christ will see us through. Ultimately, we all who will believe in Jesus Christ are already winners of the race Paul was speaking of. I encourage you in your race today and to strengthen yourself by reading God's word.







Friday, January 30, 2015

So.Much.Progess.

All by Myself!

File yesterday under "Best Day Ever!" and in fact this whole week under "Best Week Ever!"

Izaiah's auto-immune issues continue to heal and he is responding wonderfully to therapy. His sensory issues are now easier to regulate and he's making some cognitive leaps too. Here are a few areas we have been working:

1. Drawing circles using the Injini app. .
2. Identifying nouns using the Bitsboard app. 
3. Fitting shapes into a visual light up toy that announces colors, numbers, shapes, and fruits.
4. Therapy Putty. It took 4 weeks for Izaiah to be able to touch therapy putty! Exercises to Do.





5. Index finger/ thumb, pincer grasping while picking out the objects in Discovery Putty. 
6. Rock walls. Izaiah has conquered his and can climb it without assistance.
7. Able to use a glass or drinking container without straws or sippy cups or assistance. 
8. A couple of 'pedals' on his bike.

Hard to believe that just 13 months ago, auto-immune issues kept this boy in a stroller!

Even if under the care of a professional therapist, one key to success is practicing therapy at home. A tool that keeps me organized and motivated is a journal. It also is a useful, written, document.

I used a spreadsheet to create an 'at-a-glance' type of journal. Here is a blank one if you want a template. I also have a filled in one so you can see what we are doing for therapy at the moment. Each page represents a week of therapy. What this is not is just a check-list of things Izaiah can/cannot do. No, this is a checklist for me to be sure I am engaging throughout each day in playful ways that encourage relational interaction, taking turns, eye contact, pretend play; and motivate Izaiah to desire to interact with myself and others. This helps me keep on task, even when the day get hectic.

I do keep track of his abilities as an indicator to me to add fresh and more advanced ideas or to flag areas where we need to concentrate. At first, I just marked the activities with an 'x' but now that Izaiah is putting in more effort and has better ability, I fill in each box with 2 numbers. One number represents a one-to-five scale for focus; 'one' shows 'not focused'; 'five' demonstrates interest and concentration.' The other number represents ability. A 'one' indicates 'needing hand over hand assistance' and a 'five' denotes 'completion of a task independently.'

If you are having major behavioral issues I wrote an article for HEDUA magazine located here. 


Romans 5:3-4 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope.







Friday, January 16, 2015

Hode Jue



Surprisingly this is not a new recipe crafted of bizarre ingredients. 

Or a new therapy or class we're doing in school. It's not a natural remedy or even a new illness. 

Very late last night I was putting Izaiah's laundry away (again) when his little feet padded up the stairs. He confidently handed me a video then headed out. I followed, draped in blankets, hoping bedtime was around the corner. 




The machine slurped up the DVD and I sank into the couch. My non-verbal child bounced off his trampoline, over the arm of the couch, eyed me and said, "hode jue?" I blurted, "yes!!! Hode jue!" My misty eyes and I hugged that little boy for dear life.

I've been around this autism block a long time so I translated "hode jue" as "hold you" because decoding words, verbal or non-verbal, is my secret power. And, I'm well aware that "hode jue" means "hold me" because this is what young autists do when learning language. They mix up their pronouns. Wow! Izaiah can mix up a pronoun! Yay!

I also know that earlier, upstairs, when I heard Izaiah's little feet travel the stairs, I had been dabbing up my tears with the laundry I was refolding for the 8th time. I was overcome with fear about who would care for him with all his auto-immune issues if I wasn't here. Who would methodically care for every cell of his eczema skin? Check and recheck all of his food for allergens? Who would cook using those never heard of ingredients? Who would compassionately tend to all of his sensory issues and faithfully keep his world from over-powering him? Who would sacrifice everything to make sure he is comfortable, help him learn at his own pace, and show him that he is valued and loved?

During that moment on the couch, when we made eye contact and Izaiah spoke to me, just for a second, I let "hode jue?" be about me. Yes! I need you to hold me! Big squeeeeeze, and I am again amazed at how God comforts.



Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant."
Psalm 119:76 (KJV)

You can learn more about the Ashi's Gift Series of books about autism that also nurture parents at Ashi's Gift Website.