Friday, January 16, 2015

Hode Jue

Surprisingly this is not a new recipe crafted of bizarre ingredients. 

Or a new therapy or class we're doing in school. It's not a natural remedy or even a new illness. 

Very late last night I was putting Izaiah's laundry away (again) when his little feet padded up the stairs. He confidently handed me a video then headed out. I followed, draped in blankets, hoping bedtime was around the corner. 

The machine slurped up the DVD and I sank into the couch. My non-verbal child bounced off his trampoline, over the arm of the couch, eyed me and said, "hode jue?" I blurted, "yes!!! Hode jue!" My misty eyes and I hugged that little boy for dear life.

I've been around this autism block a long time so I translated "hode jue" as "hold you" because decoding words, verbal or non-verbal, is my secret power. And, I'm well aware that "hode jue" means "hold me" because this is what young autists do when learning language. They mix up their pronouns. Wow! Izaiah can mix up a pronoun! Yay!

I also know that earlier, upstairs, when I heard Izaiah's little feet travel the stairs, I had been dabbing up my tears with the laundry I was refolding for the 8th time. I was overcome with fear about who would care for him with all his auto-immune issues if I wasn't here. Who would methodically care for every cell of his eczema skin? Check and recheck all of his food for allergens? Who would cook using those never heard of ingredients? Who would compassionately tend to all of his sensory issues and faithfully keep his world from over-powering him? Who would sacrifice everything to make sure he is comfortable, help him learn at his own pace, and show him that he is valued and loved?

During that moment on the couch, when we made eye contact and Izaiah spoke to me, just for a second, I let "hode jue?" be about me. Yes! I need you to hold me! Big squeeeeeze, and I am again amazed at how God comforts.

Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant."
Psalm 119:76 (KJV)

You can learn more about the Ashi's Gift Series of books about autism that also nurture parents at Ashi's Gift Website.